how do i make my journal friends only?

So today i was home alone on my day off. I did something i hadn't done in such a long time. I c/s. It felt like i just couldn't stop myself. blah i'm disgausting.

watching The Dark Knight...

Feeling somewhat better today. I haven't cried in one full day! go me. On the other hand i can feel a little part of me letting go of sanity. It likes I'm not here, yet not there...so cliche it makes me sick.

I decided to delete all my old entry. they did't mean anything anymore.

Today is currently the worst of the year. I put my dog to sleep just a few hours ago. I feel like a bitch. He hasn't been clean for a while now and no matter how much the bf and i tried it seems like there was nothing we could do. So i brough him there and left him with the lady so shen could take care of him. He was looking at me as if saying: ''Where are you going mom'' I killed him, i've been crying on and off for the past 2 days. I feel like a betrayed him.
I have no clue how I'll get over this. I have to go see my familly in law in a few and act as if I'm okay, all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry untill there is no more water in me, untill I'm only a shell of human being.

I killed someone i love today.